Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
