can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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