It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
