I'm drive I can fine osifer
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
