the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Randomize
