He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
