That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
