You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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