so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
