i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
