I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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