You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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