I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
