I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
