you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
