i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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