I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
