i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
