these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
