what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
