This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
