she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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