i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
