jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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