North Korea, Best Korea!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
