So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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