i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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