yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
