from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
