You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
