She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
