Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
