I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
