I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
