Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize
