I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
