wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
high people should be assigned attendants
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
