shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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