I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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