she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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