I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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