Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
