Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
