You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
