I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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