Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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