If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
