He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
