haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
