It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
